Over the past few weeks, Ariana Grande’s body has become one of the main topics of conversation. Her appearance has caused concern as well as cruel comments that have no justification. Amid this, a phrase we have been trying to instill for years has been repeated a lot: “don’t talk about other people’s bodies.”
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And of course, I agree with it. I use it practically every day because it has served to set a limit on comments about others’ size, diet, and appearance. No one should have to explain their body or endure mockery disguised as concern for health, and we also cannot assume a person’s physical or mental health status just by how they look.
So, if we have been saying for years that we don’t talk about other people’s bodies, why does it now seem like we can talk about Ariana Grande’s body?
Because respecting a person’s body does not prevent us from questioning the beauty ideals that body may end up representing. And that also means we cannot claim that Ariana Grande has an eating disorder (ED), because we simply don’t know. No one can diagnose another person from a photo or video, and doing so, even if it seems to come from concern, is still a way of commenting on someone else’s body.
For Fernanda Mena, a psychologist specializing in ED and co-founder of Clínica Libre Vivir, that is the key: “we can question that extreme thinness is becoming an ideal again without assuming we know what is happening with Ariana’s health. We can talk about the phenomenon without turning her body into a diagnosis.”
Recently, we have seen changes in the appearance of celebrities like Demi Moore, Alexa Demie, Jenna Ortega, and of course, Ariana Grande, among many others. We don’t know why their bodies changed and it’s not something for us to discuss. What we can — and I believe should — question more strongly is that extreme thinness is being reinstalled as a desirable ideal, almost as if it were just another trend, a fashion that every so often tells women how we have to look.
To be honest, thin bodies have almost always been the beauty standard for us women, although its intensity varies by era. And the thinner the ideal, the harder it is to achieve. For many people, trying to do so can mean eating less and less, compulsively training, starving, or using medications to lose weight. Behaviors that are often confused with discipline, self-care, or a healthy lifestyle and that, little by little and almost without realizing it, can end up becoming part of an eating disorder.
Amid this discussion, the music video for “Petal,” Ariana’s latest song, appeared, which talks about feeling like there is always someone commenting on how you look, what you do, or who you should be. Something that might seem typical of a celebrity, but social media has brought quite close to our everyday lives.
“There is something paradoxical in ‘Petal.’ While the song questions living under others’ gaze, the video uses shots, costumes, and lighting that can direct attention to Ariana’s body. We don’t know if that was the intention, but we can see what happened afterward. Images from the video began circulating on TikTok accompanied by messages of admiration and desire for her appearance,” Fernanda concluded.
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Celebrities don’t just sell us music, movies, clothes, or makeup. They also influence how we want to look, and that influence multiplies on social media, where the same image is repeated, cropped, and commented on thousands of times. Ariana has more than 350 million followers on Instagram, including girls and teenagers from all over the world. When one of the most famous women in the world appears increasingly thin, that image starts to circulate far beyond a photo or music video, generates comments, and ends up becoming a point of comparison.
Social psychology has shown for years that greater exposure to content that idealizes a certain body type can increase body dissatisfaction, especially in adolescents. No one needs to tell us directly that we should lose weight. When thinness is praised and associated with beauty, glamour, or success, the message is understood the same way and can turn that appearance into something many women feel they should achieve.
Someone might wonder why, if we have criticized so much the comments about a celebrity’s weight gain, we are now talking about extreme thinness.
Fat bodies are still associated with illness, laziness, lack of willpower, or neglect, something we see in clothing sizes, healthcare, social media, and television. Even supposed “concern for health” has often been used to justify fatphobic comments.
With thinness, on the other hand, we still have a very different standard. Even when it becomes extreme, it is often still admired and associated with beauty, discipline, success, and even health. Of course, a very thin person can receive mockery or comments about their appearance and that is still wrong, but socially both bodies do not receive the same treatment. If we cannot look at a fat body and know how their health is, we cannot do so with a thin one either, and yet losing weight is still often received as good news. That double standard helps extreme thinness to be reinstalled as a fashion, even when there are voices questioning it, because those questions still coexist with a huge amount of messages that celebrate it and present it as desirable.
Today, we are also surrounded by advertising for weight loss drugs, diets, treatments, and aesthetic procedures that offer different ways to approach the body that is considered desirable at that moment. We don’t know what celebrities do to change their appearance and it’s not for us to assume, but we do know there is an industry that makes money making us feel that our body needs to change.
That is why I am not interested in discussing whether Ariana is too thin, if she should eat more, or if she looked better before. That conversation still puts the focus on her and her body. I am interested in us talking about why so many women again feel they need to be thinner and thinner to look good.
“Don’t talk about other people’s bodies” remains a necessary phrase. It reminds us that we have no right to mock, judge, or draw conclusions about someone’s health based on their appearance. But it should never have meant that we stop talking about the beauty ideals that make us feel our own body is never enough.
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